I have been changed... for good.

March 30, Shanti Bhavan
It’s my second to last morning here at Shanti Bhavan and I’m starting to feel really sad. I don’t want to leave this place. It is so peaceful and beautiful and has begun to feel like home, not just somewhere that I work. Of course I’ll miss the kids most of all. A few nights ago I had my show, when the kids performed everything that we’ve been working on the whole time I’ve been here. It was a beautiful night. We had the show after dinner, and it was so cute, seeing the kids all dressed up and nervous. I had all of the girls doing ballet numbers wear pink, and they surprised me by showing up in identical pink swing dresses that were so cute I couldn’t stand it! The boys were all wearing matching outfits too – little shorts and striped shirts. They kept coming up to me during dinner to ask me questions and beg for a little more rehearsal time. I was impressed that they were so invested in doing well and making it the best it could be, and it went perfectly. Everyone did better than they had ever done in class and the response from the staff and other students was overwhelming. I didn’t know it could be so satisfying to see something that I had worked on and created be put on stage and performed by other people. It was the first time I really felt like the kids were mine. I will be so sad to leave these beautiful, interesting, complex little personalities… but I really want to come back. On Saturday morning, I joined my fourth grade class for their nature walk in the morning. They basically go out and walk around the grounds of the school, looking for certain nature characteristics – birds or soil or lizards. They were so adorable. All the girls were fighting over who got to hold my hand and talking all about the show and telling me stories. A few of them were expressing real sadness over my leaving and it struck me how hard it must be for them to constantly be getting attached to the volunteers who come and then leave so soon. Next time I come, I want to be here for a whole semester if I can. One of the girls, Yeshwini, kept saying “Miss, I can’t even tell how much I love you, I can’t even tell how much I will miss you.” And then she said “The song, For Good (from Wicked), Miss, that is how I feel about you.” Then she started singing the song and all of the other kids joined in and I had my own little private performance. It was so beautiful. The fourth graders are special. They can be rambunctious, but they had such good hearts and they have been my favorite class to teach. I will miss them terribly.