And in the end...

April 11, Frankfurt Airport
I’m sitting here alone in the Frankfurt airport waiting for my flight to Chicago and it’s finally occuring to me that this is over. When I decided to take this trip, two months seemed like such a long time, but it has passed in the blink of an eye. When I boarded the plane in Bangalore this morning it was as if I had just arrived. I’m feeling a lot of different emotions; sadness that my time in India is gone, gratitude for all I’ve experienced and learned, longing for the places and people I so desperately miss – on both sides of the ocean, anticipation of the great unknown that lies at the end of this journey, excitement at the thought of seeing all of my family, friends and collegues; but mostly a nagging worry that they way I feel right now is fleeting. I’ve gained so much through this adventure and come to a lot of profound and not-so-profound realizations and I don’t want them to be erased by the mundane, day-to-day things that make up my normal life. I hope I can hold onto the sense of wonder I feel; to the openess and fullness of my heart; to the deep appreciation I’ve come to have for this earth. I know that these experiences are mine always and no one can take them away from me, but it is natural for life to slowly slough away the newness and tangibility of what right now seems to be my whole world.
I pray that I remember. I want to remember the feeling of Yesashwini taking my hand and telling me how much she will miss me. I want to remember the wind rushing through my hair as I gaze out onto the Indian countryside whooshing by out the window of an early morning train. I want to remember how exhilarating it is to have a monkey take a banana out of my hand and to watch him eat it. I want to remember how proud I felt, watching my students brilliantly perform something we created together. I want to remember the feel of the Indian Ocean washing over me as I lay in the sand, looking up at the clear blue sky. I want to remember the feeling of peace and anticipation I had every day when I started up the path to begin my day at Shanti Bhavan. I want to remember the joy it brought me to sing with and for the students. I want to remember how much we laughed, trying to fit eight people – new friends – into a tiny rickshaw for a ride through the crazy, death-defying streets. I want to remember the feeling of being crushed uder the weight of twenty-five children, all trying their hardest to hug and kiss me and give me their love. I want to remember how amazing it was to find something as simple as a hot shower or a comfortable mattress. I want to remember how little we actually need in this life to be perfectly, blissfully happy; a bit of food, a safe place to sleep, a companion to share a laugh with…
I hope I remember.